Catholic School Boy's Journal

6:20am: I havent made new friends in years.
only acquaintances.

this weekend, and many other weekends (and days!) before this, i encountered plenty of people who are outgoing, and nice, and fun, and intrepid, and many other positive descriptions.

but in my head i kept a solid barrier of skepticism and approached them & the situations with them with - a garfield sort of manner - that i want/appear to be superficially curious and interested about them
but only until they cease to have any use for me and until i can find a chance to move on to my next lasagna.

ive been giving this feeling of detachment some thought.
This barrier usefully, effectively allows me to see situations from a neutral but ultimately SELFISH point of view because the only person who i can relate to/with is MYSELF. i dont have any other person whom can share my thoughts with about certain events and situations. It is because i think ive cornered myself into a very tight niche with my selfish OTAKU world of detached thoughts and feelings.

i appear to be superficially curious and interested about new people -
but only until they cease to have any use for me and until i can find a chance to move on to my next lasagna.

and i ask, how many of these people think the same way towards me?


this niche is not a very pleasant place to be in.


" if we all reacted the same way we'd be predictable,
and there's always more than one way to view a situation
what's true for the group is also true for the individual.

It's simple - overspecialize and you breed in weakness -
it's slow death. "
- Motoko Kusanagi